Invitations
Invitation Etiquette:
Your wedding invitation is one of the key elements in setting the tone for your wedding. Consider carefully before selecting, this simple or elaborate piece of paper not only says a lot about you and your personal style-it also guides your guests as to what to expect from your day.
Your wedding invitations should be selected as soon as the wedding date is set and the guest list is completed.
Allow yourself at least three to six months in advance so there is plenty of time for ordering, proofreading, and addressing the invitations or hiring a calligrapher.
Here are some guidelines to help you throughout the invitation process. Although these are the traditional guidelines, feel free to reflect your own style and personality.
Tips on Ordering Invitations
* Base the number of invitations ordered on guests within households, not per guest.
* Remember to include everyone in the wedding party, including your officiate.
* Order at least 25 extra invitations for keepsakes and to cover for last-minute guests. Reordering invitations may be almost as expensive as your original order.
* Order extra inner and outer envelopes in case mistakes are made while addressing.
* All children over the age of eighteen should receive their own separate invitation.
Invitation Wording
When it comes to the wording of your wedding invitations, there are many alternatives. Key elements include hosts, time, date, location, and what guests should expect at the wedding (i.e. ceremony, reception, meal, dancing). Hosts are the ones "giving" the wedding. Here are a few different examples:
Mother and Father of the bride
Mr. & Mrs. Fred Smith invite you to the marriage of their daughter, Pam.
Both sets of parents
Mr. & Mrs. Fred Smith along with Mr. & Mrs. Howard Jones invite you to join in the celebration of their children Pam Smith and Roger Jones.
The couple
Pam Smith and Roger Jones invite you to join them in the celebration of their wedding.
Always spell out full names, dates, times, and addresses. Nicknames or abbreviations should be avoided when possible except for Mr., Mrs., Jr., etc. You may use an initial if you do not know the full name or if the person never uses his given name. Cities, states, and numbered streets are written out in full (with the exception of D.C.). In regard to addresses, the only optional abbreviations are for Saint (St.) or Mount (Mt.), which can be written either way.
Correct Titles
Mr.- Any man, single or married, not using a professional title.
Miss- Any woman who has never been married or any woman whose marriage has been annulled.
Ms.- Any single woman over the age of 21, or any woman using a professional name regardless of marital status, or any divorced or widowed woman with no children. Ms. is not for use on formal stationery and is not an abbreviation.
Mrs.- Any legally married woman; divorced woman who has retained her married name; or widowed woman who has not remarried.
Dr.- Any person holding a professional medical degree. "Dr." is not the same as a Ph.D.
Assembling Your Wedding Invitations
When you first receive your invitations, assemble one complete invitation (including the tissue paper, any maps or additional insertions, and the stamp on the return response envelope) and take it to your local post office for weight and measurement. Sometimes it's the size not the weight that requires extra postage. This step can save a lot of aggravation later. Ask to see their selection of wedding stamps and if they are available as self-stick stamps.
When using two envelopes, the inner envelope is unsealed and inserted into the outer envelope so the guest's name is seen as the outer envelope is opened.
The invitation and enclosure cards are placed into the inner envelope in order of size behind the invitation. As the invitation is the most important element for the guest to see, it remains on top. The largest enclosure cards are placed farthest from the invitation. When enclosure cards of the same size are used, the most important card for your guests to see should be placed closest to the invitation.
The reply envelope is placed face down on top of the reception card. The reply card is slipped face up beneath the flap of the envelope.
The inside envelope is placed into the outside envelope. The front of the inside envelope faces the back of the outside envelope. The best way to assemble your invitation is to set everything up on a cleared table, in an assembly line fashion - placing them in the order in which they go. It also makes it easier if you place stamps on all of your response envelopes before you start assembling.
W.E.D. Tip: To avoid mistakes, make sure every stack has the exact same count. If you start with a stack of 50 invitations, make sure you have a stack of 50 of everything else (tissue paper, reception card, maps, respond envelopes, and respond cards). Start assembling your invitations one at a time, but don't seal the outer envelope. When finished, make sure your counts are still even. This is a good reason not to seal the envelopes-if your counts don't match, you can then check the invitations to see which one is either missing an insertion or has an extra insertion, and still correct it. Once everything is correct, then you can seal your envelopes!
If your invitations are single fold and the wording is on the outside only, insertions are placed on top. If your invitations are multi-fold and/or the wording is inside the fold then insertions are placed inside the first fold. The insertions go in the following order (from bottom to top):
1. tissue paper
2. reception card
3. map/travel information
4. response envelope
5. response card (tucked under the flap of the response envelope)
This is all placed inside the inner envelope, printed side facing the flap. The inner envelope is then placed inside the outer envelope, flap side facing the front of the outer envelope.
Invitation Elements
Invitations normally come with two envelopes, an inner and outer. However, the more contemporary, square sizes usually only come with single outer envelopes. The outer envelope serves as the mailing vehicle, while the inner envelope protects the invitation. For added elegance, the inner envelopes may be enhanced with colored linings. The following is a list of invitation elements.
Outer Envelope
The outer envelope is used to mail the invitation, response set, inner envelope, and other related information. The front of the envelope is addressed to the individual, couple, or family invited. Although you may be having a casual wedding, it is recommended to use surnames for the address. You may consider using a calligrapher for a special touch.
Examples:
Individual: Mr. Ben Smith
Couple (option 1): Mr. & Mrs. Ben Smith
Couple (option 2): Mr. Ben Smith - Miss Kristi Hayes
Couple (option 3): Miss Kristi Hayes and Guest
The back flap of this envelope should be embossed or personalized with the return address of the host. Often, the type and printing style match the actual invitation. The return address is necessary for the post office to return any mail that is undeliverable. Traditionally, the hosts are the parents of the bride. But often, the bride will act as the "host" for the purpose of managing the invitations, responses, etc.
Inner Envelope
In a traditional package, the inner envelope is used to contain the invitation and any enclosures. Typically, it does not have glue on the flap and it is usually lined. The address of this envelope bears the surnames of the members of the family you want to invite as your guests.
Example:
Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Mike Jones
Inner Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Jones or Mike and Amy Jones (makes it a bit more personal)
If children are invited, they should be listed on the inner envelope by name, for example: Mr. and Mrs. Jones - Grace, Jessica, and Phillip Jones
In the event you use a single card invitation, an inner envelope is not necessary.
Envelope Lining
The envelope lining is paper or fabric that is cut to the exact size of the envelope and flap and glued to the inside of the envelope. Its purpose is to dress up the inserted piece, and for that reason, there is a wide selection of textures and colors. Pearl and metallic colors are a nice choice for a wedding.
Invitation
This is the central element of the invitation package and should inform invited guests of the host, honored party, date, time, and place.
The most traditional invitations are in the form of a folder with the invitation text personalized on the front or a folder with the names or a monogram on the front and the invitation text on the inside. Though the traditional invitation shape is rectangular and color is ecru, paper styles, texture, color, and shape are unlimited.
In today's culture, the trend is toward a card with the invitation text centered on the front. Again, the shape, style, and design of a card are unlimited and reflective of the bride and groom's lifestyle and/or the wedding event.
Tissue
Once a practical necessity, tissue is now an option. Before modern, fast drying inks were developed, tissue was used to cover the printed surface. Tissue is both porous and light enough to stick to the ink without smearing. Including tissue today is just a tradition. We typically recommend only using tissue with a very traditional formal style invitation.
Reception Card
The reception card invites your guests to the wedding reception and is sent along with the invitation to the ceremony when these events are at separate locations. It should inform them about the date, time, and location of where the reception will take place. It should be specific on what to expect, i.e. dinner and dancing, luncheon, or reception only. If the reception immediately follows the ceremony and is in the same location, a separate card is not required. A reception card should be sent for all formal affairs. If budget is an issue, and space allows, reception information can be included with the information to the ceremony.
Map
Map cards should be included for all the out-of-town guests who may have trouble finding the ceremony or reception site.
Travel Information
Travel and hotel arrangements can be sent separately to out-of-town guests or can be included.
Response Set
Tradition and etiquette suggest that one need not include a reply set in the invitation-guests should know to use their personal stationery to respond to an invitation. Given our fast-paced world, we suggest helping guests by giving them a personalized response set. The response set is composed of a personalized card and a pre-addressed, stamped envelope. Wording should match the formality of the occasion and allow you to gather the information you need. The card can also be adapted to provide a space for the guest's name and a space for the response. Additionally, you will want to know the number of guests (for example, if you've invited a family with children), and if the event venue allows for meal choices, they can be specified on the card. Reply cards should state a date when the response is expected. This should be determined by the date required by the venue for number of guarantees. Response cards should be returned at least two weeks prior to the actual date so you can notify your caterer.
W.E.D. Tip: Assign a number to each of your guests and lightly write that number on the back of the response card. It will allow you to know to whom the response cards belongs in case your guests accidentally omit their name.
Addressing Wedding Invitations & Zip Codes
There is nothing more frustrating than having a beautifully addressed invitation returned to the sender with postage markings all over it because of an incorrect address. Please be sure to double-check your addresses and zip codes. To verify zip codes on the Internet, visit http://www.usps.com/zip4.
Mailing Your Invitations
Proper etiquette suggests that invitations be sent out four weeks before your wedding date. If the event is to occur during the holiday season, six weeks is customary. If you have a large number of out-of-town guests, we suggest eight weeks to give your guests the courtesy of making reservations and securing travel arrangements more economically. That way there is a slimmer chance that your date will conflict with another event on the same night.
For a special touch, hand-deliver your invitations to your local post office window. You can request the invitations to be hand canceled with a rubber stamp, instead of by a machine. It makes the front of the envelope look a lot more attractive without the large ugly black postal markings all over it.
Wedding Announcements
If your wedding is very small or private, you may want to send announcements to those friends and relatives you were unable to invite to the ceremony. Typically, announcements are sent immediately following the wedding and include the time and location of the ceremony. An "at home card" may accompany the announcement to inform friends and family of your new address and phone number.
Congratulations on completing your wedding invitations; the countdown has officially begun!